The Right-Minded View: the General Election.

by richardhutton

Much to its shame, Britain has just allowed democracy to overrule the will of the people.

To their discredit, ideologically-pure Corbyn types – who refused to vote for candidates just because they happened to be Conservative ones – turned a twenty point lead for the Conservative Party into a hung parliament. Quite frankly, there comes a time when you have to say that reality itself is wrong.

Radical wheat-farmers in key marginals – or the inhabitants of traditionally socialist enclaves such as Kensington – may think this sort of thing is fine and dandy, but I say it goes too far. It all goes to show the perils of too much democracy.

However, while the electorate may have got it wrong, there was never a faulty step taken by Britain’s rightful Prime Minister – Theresa May. Sure, in an ideal world, Ms May would only appoint Conservative MPs to her cabinet, with perhaps a UKIP politician for the banter.

But in the real world it is often necessary to borrow extra politicians from a completely different party, and country, in order to get the job done. I say you can do no better than the Democratic Unionist Party on that score. In my opinion, the one thing missing from the Old Testament was a firm commitment to fortnightly bin collections. Well, there the DUP fill the void admirably.

But then we turn to the political fortunes of the Labour Party. I am afraid to say that the most surprising electoral result since 1945 leaves me even more certain of the views I held before it even commenced. Quite simply, this was another disaster for the unelectable Mr Corbyn. When will people realise that you have to be sensible, like the Conservatives, in order to win a landslide hung parliament?

No party should propose policies that are actually good, because no right-thinking member of the public actually wants policies which are good. In so far as any gains were made, rest assured, this had nothing to do with Mr Corbyn’s endeavors.

So let us instead give credit were credit is due: the legacy of Owen Smith’s barnstorming leadership campaign of 2016 has clearly inspired the multitudes to vote Labour. ‘Smithy Lad, Smithy Lad, Smithy Lad’ the crowds imagined themselves chanting, as they pictured Owen Smith before them – a mug of frothy coffee in each hand; rather than the certain habitue of Islington in his stead. It was undoubtedly this factor which shored-up the hundreds of lads demographic, which plays such a key role in the banter marginals, increasingly encroached upon by the aforementioned Ukip.

By contrast, according to the Daily Mail – which interjected so much commonsense into the election campaign:

“the brazen harlot, Jeremy Corbyn, provoked outrage after posting racy snaps to his instagram account. Flaunting his bearded curves, Corbyn left very little to the imagination – going bra-less, beneath a beige jacket. Corbyn sizzled in a skimpy Lenin hat and revealing corduroy trousers. “Pert derriere…scantily clad…enviable pins…smouldering: so much for the kinder politics” said one Labour insider”.

What’s more, it transpires that in 20 years of scrutiny, Britain’s intelligence agencies never found this Corbyn fellow doing anything untoward. Highly suspicious, if you ask me. I also happen to have it on good authority that Corbyn may well have cheated in the 1975 Jam of the Year contest – but far be it from me to spread idle gossip.

And it’s all well and good to fault our Prime Minister for being evasive, and prevaricating; but it seems to me that people need to learn about a little thing called nominative determinism – it’s Theresa MAY, not Theresa WILL. This is topped-off with a strong and stable determination to make advisors take responsibility for any disappointments with the final outcome of her election campaign. You can’t say fairer than that.

In sum, the electorate were clearly in error; and have let everyone who matters down in the process. In times of too much democracy, it is worth revisiting the wise words of George Orwell:

“One sometimes gets the impression that the mere words ‘Socialism’ and ‘Communism’ draw towards them with magnetic force every fruit-juice drinker, nudist, sandal-wearer, sex-maniac, Quaker, ‘Nature Cure’ quack, pacifist, and feminist in England”.

The man knew his onions.