The Right-Minded View: Donald Trump & Nigel Farage.

This week has witnessed one small step for Donald Trump; one giant step forward for humankind. Donald Trump is not merely the first ethnically-vermilion person to become US president, but the only President-elect to date who intends to govern for the broad array – if not quite the full gamut – of American people.

That is, after all, what Mr Trump’s ascendancy reflects: a popular uprising against the status quo. Many ordinary people were very angry at the establishment – run, as it is, overwhelmingly in the interests of wealthy white males; and the only sensible solution was to elect somebody who embodies those identical traits.

Much like homeopathy – whereby contagious ailments are treated by introducing a toxic property into one’s gullet. Whether all of this results in a hard Trump, or a soft Trump, remains to be seen.

However, if you ask me, Donald Trump is taking the first tentative steps towards what all fair-minded observers will surely agree is no more than a commonsense presidency. On the one hand, standing up to the elite, by reducing their taxes; while on the other hand, standing up for the little guy by removing their healthcare and employment protections – thereby allowing them to compete on wages and life-chances with the inhabitants of Malaysia, overseas; and closer to home, the denizens of local cemeteries.

The reason for this is quite simple: Mr Trump is a fellow of robust business nous – exemplifying a style of thinking often mischaracterised as “stupid”. What nefarious left-leaning sorts fail to realise, however, is that this is actually a compliment. President-elect Trump has the necessary moxy to puncture the pretensions of so-called intellectuals; and strike deals, left, right, and centre, thereby restoring America to its former glory.

For example – China has a Great Wall. So, thanks to Trump, America will have a greater wall – albeit part fence. While some express scepticism about the necessity of all this, I have to say that they need to imbibe a dose of reality.

Only recently, in fact, I encountered some chip-wrapping in my front garden – no doubt casually bestrewn there by a young, knife-wielding hoodlum; with at least two chips clinging to the inside of the paper, and very possibly a third (I didn’t care to investigate too closely, in case I developed Stockholm syndrome). Therefore, I immediately ordered some fencing from a local timber-merchant – a bit of the old wattle and daub later, and there it was, in all its glory. Not a chip-wrapper in sight, since. I see no reason why America cannot manage likewise; and prosper accordingly.

What’s more, nothing could give greater cause for confidence than the patronage of Nigel Farage; who, as luck would have it, has already volunteered to mend fences on behalf of his American counterparts. Admittedly, the Republican Party perhaps lags behind the more intellectually sophisticated confines of Ukip, in some respects, and has some catching-up to do on the score of etiquette and breeding; but nobody could contest its historical achievements in office.

It took a firm but fair approach to the old terrorism lark, for example. While it’s true that the Bush administration ignored warnings from defence experts about a planned attack on America – opting to put their faith in predicting the future through the interpretation of chicken entrails instead – it is equally true that they persevered, and continued to reduce both the tax burden and the homeland security budget throughout the entirety of those dark days; never pausing for a moment. Just the sort of risk and reward approach which will make America great again.

While Mr Trump may have no more time for experts and their expertise than the average person, he is only too eager to welcome the finest brexperts and their brexpertise that money can buy – this is where Nigel Farage comes in: a fulsome harbinger of the sentiments held by the common man (or woman, where applicable); who can advise the incoming President on the pros and cons of tea and crumpets, and many more things besides.

In return, as an older man – experienced in the ways of business and the world – President Trump can serve as a mentor to the young Nigel: keeping him on the straight and narrow. I have seen so many up and coming fellows in my time come a cropper just for a lack of avuncular edification in the early stages of their careers; and that is what Farage is embarking upon today.

In more ways than one, Farage would be ideal as an under-secretary for something or another in the way of congeniality between Britain and America. While it is true that he has never actually been elected into municipal office; that is merely the sort of trifling detail that only the most embittered of souls would consider pertinent to a role in government.

Judge the book by its cover, I say. Just as the pilgrims once landed on Plymouth rock, Farage admirably crawled out from beneath it: ready and waiting to serve, at the whims of his master; in a manner unequaled since Mr Renfield performed similar duties on behalf of his liege.

And therein lies the nub: what Mr Trump embodies is the fact that we can all rise to the very top, regardless of whether we possess anything by way of charm, talent, or ability; while Nigel Farage proves that there really is such a thing as a free-lunch, just as long as you’re prepared to travel – and have a generous expenses account.

Between these two men, I am confident that something worthwhile can be achieved for our two countries.