Contemporary Political Euphemisms

by richardhutton

Moderate: somebody whose concerns are vested in self-interest, rather than public service; who pretends to be above politics and ideology, while perpetually politicking in the most uncompromisingly ideological manner possible.

Far-Left: a non-Conservative.

Hard-left: somebody who opposes an illegal war, irrespective of how much pressure is put on them to support it.

Soft-Left: somebody who self-identifies as progressive; while supporting illegal wars, regressive tax and benefit policies, and the abrogation of employment rights.

Regressive Left: somebody who opposes racism.

The Fascist-Left: somebody who derides their political counterparts.

The international Left: somebody who uses the internet.

Proud socialist: somebody who opposes socialism.

Marxist-Leninist anarcho-syndicalism: mild social democracy.

 

Pragmatist: somebody who ignores evidence, in favour of ideology.

Credible: somebody who says one thing, then does another.

Electable: somebody who has presided over successive election defeats; with diminishing returns each time.

Sensible: authoritarian.

Responsible: autocratic.

Aspirational: 1) self-seeking. 2) Disinclined to pay tax.

 

Very real concerns: bogus anxieties; fuelled by tabloid hysteria and hearsay.

Legitimate views: an untenable perspective on a complex subject; which eschews evidence in favour of an overarching narrative.

Listening to concerns: ignoring the consequences of a policy, in order to benefit from exploiting public misapprehension.

Feminist: 1) somebody who actively works for the betterment of women in society 2) somebody who oppresses women, but happens to be female themselves, while in a position of political power.

Misogynist: 1) somebody who despises women 2) somebody who disputes the political views of a right-wing woman.

Abuse: 1) being offensive and threatening towards someone 2) being impolite to a politician or journalist on the internet 3) criticising a politician or journalist on the internet

 

Virtue signalling: opposing harmful government policies.

A reliable source: a malicious gossip.

A senior insider: 1) a backbench MP. 2) A retired MP. 3) A disgraced former MP.

Living within our means: overseeing an upsurge of poverty among some social groups, in order to increase prosperity among other social groups.

The elite: people who possess expertise on a complex social or economic phenomenon; whose commentaries conflict with popular/conservative opinion – seldom to any avail.

Project fear: forewarning the public about the likely economic consequences of a political decision.

Scaremongering: citing a precedent.

Entryism: members and supporters of a party abiding by legitimate democratic processes; casting votes in favour of a politician whose views they share, but who lacks the patronage of grandees.

 

Politicising: identifying and criticising the embarrassing consequences of a government policy.

Hard choice: taking the easy route.

Difficult decision: opting for the path of least resistance.

Savvy: incompetent.

Savvy and savage: incompetent, and dishonest.

Reasonableness: mollifying people by saying what they want to hear.

Mastery of policy: ineptly deporting the wrong people; being found in contempt of court multiple times.

Winning: evading questions; avoiding accountability; losing referendums.

 

Real people: imaginary people, onto which politicians’ pet concerns are superimposed.

Real problems: imaginary problems, cited by politicians in order to avoid answering for the damaging consequences of their own policies.

The working class: 1) people in the lowest economic strata 2) People who read tabloid newspapers. 3) People who are generally circumvented when the topics of employment rights and poverty are being discussed; but promptly lionized when derogatory attitudes towards immigration are ascendant.

The middle class: 1) a pejorative term often used by media columnists when discussing people they disagree with. 2) People in the median economic strata.

Quinoa: 1) a status symbol, taken to denote decadence and dilettantism. See also lentils, wind-chimes, and books. 2) A low-cost cereal grain, available at any supermarket.

 

Centrist: somebody who supports impoverishing benefit claimants, scapegoating migrants, and eulogises any wars waged in the middle east.

Respectable politics: blaming people who live in poverty for their own circumstances; deriding migrants for the failures of governments; cheerleading bombing-runs on Middle Eastern countries.

Game of thrones: a violent fantasy series, featuring problematic depictions of rape; frequently cited as a reference point by media columnists to analogize petty political disputes.

Condemn: a ritualistic form of denunciation, which politicians are beholden to by journalists. A politician must repudiate whatever phenomenon has been cited; as many times as requested. To wit:

Will you condemn casual rudeness? – Yes.

But will you condemn less-than-casual rudeness? – Yes.

But will you now re-condemn casual rudeness? – Sure.

But will you now re-condemn less-than-casual rudeness? – Fine.

But will you backdate your condemnation to Wednesday? – Yes.

But will you also backdate this condemnation to Tuesday? – Well, that’s too far; so no.

At which juncture it is declared that the politician in question has refused to condemn the phenomenon at point; usually in the form of a newspaper headline.

Are you saying…?: an insinuating question, which rephrases somebody’s utterance until it no longer bears any resemblance to what was originally said. For example:

Aggressive foreign policies seem to be counterproductive.

– Are you saying you want the terrorists to win? 

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