The Right-Minded View On How To Vote In the EU Referendum.

by richardhutton

I am not a Brexit supporter – I am merely an ordinary member of the public; who believes that continued membership of the EU jeopardizes all that we hold dear: not least of all by virtue of Brussels-imposed diversity. Don’t get me started on the variations between things, in this day and age.

To take but one example, there are too many shapes theses days – time was an honest British oblong was all you needed in life; yet now we have squares, circles, and even the odd icosidodecahedron can be seen with increasing frequency on the British high-street. If you ask me, everything should be the same shape. It would certainly make life a lot simpler.

And do we really need seven colours in every rainbow? They should all be the same – a nice dun tincture. Food types are no better – bruschettas this, brochettes that, gnocchi the other; when all we need is a flavourless marm, which everyone can consume using a straw.

To put it succinctly, our country is now a bewildering place – all thanks to the EU; and ordinary people have very real concerns about this, which must be taken seriously.

The answer to present woes, however, can be summed-up in one word, and one word only: Nigel Farage. The greatest British seafaring tactician since Captain Birdseye; and a true man of the people, to boot.

Unlike elites, educated at exclusive secondary moderns, Farage worked his way up from the humble auspices of a private boarding school; and to further demonstrate his credentials as the voice of Joe Public, he didn’t follow the pathway of those who’ve never worked a real job in their lives – GPs, teachers, and other sundry nefarious sorts. No. He became a stockbroker, instead.

This penchant for selfless public-service is reflected all the more keenly in his political track-record: a man who cares so deeply about our country’s brave fishermen that during his tenure on the European Parliament Fisheries Committee, he attended no fewer than one meeting out of 42; and voted as many as zero times on the Fishing Policy, while present in the building at the same time. In my opinion, zero is a number which can only increase.

Unlike those who favour half-measures, however, Farage plans to not merely withdraw Britain from Europe – but from the fabric of reality itself; beginning with the EU, and ending with the solar system.

A Brexit from the milky way will mean that Britain’s economy can thrive like never before – as we trade with the whole universe, and not just the inhabitants of one planet. We can also decide for ourselves who is or isn’t an alien, using a points-based system.

It is time to retake control of our galactic borders, and stand alongside Nigel Farage, as one: better off out of the solar system!