The Right-Minded View: Nigel Farage’s Brexit Flotilla

by richardhutton

ukip-voters-general-election

This Brexit flotilla seems only fitting to me; and all the more so that standing at its prow will be Nigel Farage – the Titanic of British politics, confronting the iceberg of the European Union; but willing to sink to any occasion should he consider it necessary.

Drawing upon the distinguished history of an island nation, and its proud naval traditions – from Dieppe, to Gallipoli: Farage is a worthy successor to fellow strategists, cut from the same patriotic cloth as himself – all equally willing to send wave after wave of Britons to a glorious end.

Certainly if comments on the Daily Mail’s forum are anything to go by Brexit will sail through this referendum, just as gracefully as Mr Farage’s cavalcade will puffle through the majestic Thames: his taught futtocks in full view of the admiring crowds, who are certain to gather.

And his intervention is not a moment too late, if you ask me. Thanks to this EU referendum malarky, Britain’s fate hangs poised in equilibrium – remain or leave? Up or out?

We all know the current situation is ridiculous. It is a simple fact that as many as five quarters of British laws are now made in the EU; while the Brexit campaign’s bold pledge to make all crime illegal is just commonsense. Well might we ask, therefore, why this referendum appears to hang in the balance.

On that same tack, we may also wish to question why the voting booths require people to use pencils. Could it be that the Bremainers will merely erase a cross, should it be placed where they dislike; and let it be drawn in where they want it instead?

This may sound like a paranoid conspiracy fantasy, cooked-up by feverish tabloid minds; but simply consider what happened during the general election. Many witnesses attest to this very day that people were turning up with bundles of postal votes in their arms; all of them wearing suspiciously similar uniforms, emblazoned with the words ‘Royal Mail’.

What’s more, as a sign of how persecutory the EU referendum has become for anyone who dares to openly support Brexit, I consider it my civic duty to point out that only this morning a dog barked at me as I walked past it. Perhaps trained by Corbyn-supporters to put the fear of dog into any stouthearted yeoman of England, who encroaches upon its territory. This is the sort of underhandedness we might expect in foreign shores, rather than Britain.

Fear not, however – enter Farage. As the man himself expostulates, immediately upon Brexit, all of Britain’s problems will be instantly remedied:

  • Whereas Mr Cameron pledges to cap migration at 100,000 per year; Nigel Farage would cap it at 99,999.
  • Turkey may currently face 35 requirements before being allowed to join the EU; once Britain is safely ensconced outside, however, Mr Farage would make it 36 requirements.
  • Thousands of British jobs will be created for British people: British plumbers, to fix British leaks; British grape dryers to dry British grapes – thus turning them into British raisins; and British turnip shepherds, to herd British turnips, thus ensuring their continued vegetation , in the British manner.

Moreover, as one senior Ukip MP – who wished to remain anonymous – has put it, elites from the banking industry are undermining our democracy. This would never happen in an independent Britain, because Mr Farage simply wouldn’t permit it.

If you ask me, that sums up Mr Farage and visions for Brexit to a T: what was once considered to be wrong, and confined to the murky fringes of public life, is now mainstream; and never in the field of human conflict have so many risked so much, for so little. All thanks to Farage.

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