The Right-Minded View: A Points-Based Immigration System?

by richardhutton


A points-based system for immigration? From what I hear on the doorstep – mainly my own, in fairness; having spoken to various tradesfolk and delivery persons at great length about my views on the EU referendum, and society in general (especially as regards the young) – this proposal can expect to receive the full backing of the silent majority.

As a hallmark of British independence, native pluck, and related national what-nots, we will simply copy what Australia has done. If you ask me, the schematic of this principle could not be simpler: naturally, a fundamental requirement will be that newcomers should of learned to speak good English before arriving here.

However, points can also be awarded based on the important elements of life: if they are right or left-handed, for example; whether they can discern a Maris Piper from a King Edward; their level of golf handicap; and where they stand on the whole biscuit or cake conundrum.

This new system won’t be an end in its own right; but serve a far more ambitious agenda – it will not merely put the ‘Great’ back into Britain, but allow us to become ‘The Greatest’ Britain once again. Thus paving the way for a wholesale renewal of time-tested Britishness.

Instead of French fries, we will have good old-fashioned British chips once more. In place of the metric pound, we will reinstate guineas, shillings, and farthings. And instead of Greenwich meridian time being calibrated according to Lisbon, it will be re-calibrated to the first-division football league schedule.

This all seems eminently sensible to me; and certainly to most people I know. In fact, it is no surprise that my own unscientific polling revealed 99% of people intend to vote leave in the upcoming referendum, with 1% undecided, only 1% voting remain; and a 98% margin for error.

I think, all told, it’s fair to conclude that everything Nigel Farage has been saying about the EU for years – whether it happened to be accurate or not – has now become mainstream; and with the statecraft of such luminaries at our nation’s helm, the sky is our oyster.

Roll on June 23rd, I say: let the august lance of Britain’s destiny be tilted dauntlessly at the windmill of Europe.