PMQs – 26th April 2016

by richardhutton

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Another tour-de-force from PM Cameron today – simply imperious.

Whether it be the refugee crisis, the attempt to dismantle the comprehensive school system, or to modernise the health service by removing the superfluous elements – such as staff, and hospitals – Cameron had all the bases covered. What’s more, his comb-over was simply immaculate throughout – despite a strong breeze gusting through the halls of Westminster, not a follicle was out of place.

By contrast, Mr Corbyn was a poor show. Talking about the plan to forcibly academise schools against their own wishes, when he could have been talking about more pressing matters, such as the Junior Doctor’s strike. Or else talking about trifling issues, such as the Junior Doctor’s strike, when he could more sensibly have devoted his time to the pressing issue of forced academisation. And his beard looked somewhat ruffled in places, if I may say so. One or two hairs appeared to be split.

Moreover, words speak louder than actions, in my experience; and that was made plain today:

(Mr Corbyn) Will the Prime Minister reconsider his plan to remove schools from local authority oversight?
(PM Cameron) I are smart.
(Mr Corbyn) Yes, but…
(PM Cameron) I are Prime Minister.
(Mr Corbyn) Yes, but the point is…
(PM Cameron) I are smart Prime Minister.

It was at this juncture in the repartee, however, that an unexpected obstacle arose; in the face of which our Prime Minister stood dauntless. “Would the Prime Minister agree that he is the smartest Prime Minister?” asked one government backbencher, objectively. “I agree – I are smartest Prime Minister”, Mr Cameron modestly replied.

The Labour leader rallied; redoubling his efforts – but Cameron saw him off, with deft maneuvering:

(Mr Corbyn) We are talking about the long-term future of education in our country.
(PM Cameron) Smart.
(Mr Corbyn) But if…
(PM Cameron) Smmmmm-art.
(Mr Corbyn) Yes, but…
(PM Cameron) S.M.R.T.
(Mr Corbyn) Will the Prime Minister at least listen to his own backbench MPs?
(PM Cameron) I has long-term economic plan.
(Mr Corbyn) I see.
(PM Cameron) We can has secure future.

And with that Prime Minister’s Question Time was won.

With the august lance of national destiny grasped firmly in his hand, Cameron levelled his charge at the assembled windmills of schools, hospitals, and certain establishment cover-ups, before hurtling, full-tilt to victory.

An 11 out of 10 performance from Cameron. Mr Corbyn, however, really must pull his Soviet flag-coloured socks up.

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