The Right-Minded View: Labour Rejects McSponsorship – A Special Guest Post

by richardhutton

A special guest post by former Labour MP, Harry Tomson.

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Bloody Corbyn – declining to be affiliated with an international corporation, whose working practices are fundamentally at odds with the Labour party’s commitments. A credible politician would never take a principled stand of that kind – they’d moderately say one thing, and electably do another, instead!

McDonald’s is The People’s fast food restaurant – a good, old-fashioned worker’s cooperative; only instead of the co-operative element, it has a proud history of proscribing unions, and tax avoidance, while providing young people with voluntary-mandatory work experience placements. Distancing yourself from this kind of practice is just snobbery.

Does Corbyn not realise that taking money from a company whose executive received a 368% pay rise, while its staff struggle on low-wages, is an authentic expression of proletarian identity? Just like beer and bingo, and wearing flat-caps – while walking whippets on string-leads – it’s the kind of thing that hardworking-taxpaying-striving-families enjoy. The latte-sippers may not care for McDonald’s wares; but I, for one, heartily endorse their events or products.

And do you hear Corbyn condemning Burger King? Well, do you? No! And to think that he calls himself a republican – which is another thing that represents everything what’s wrong with our country these days! If taking corporate sponsorship from an American fast-food outlet is good enough for our Queen, then it should be good enough for the Labour party.

But instead what do we get? Yet another demonstration of integrity from Jeremy Corbyn. For shame.

And why? I’ll tell you why.

First of all, he is one of those ‘vegetarians’. Vegetarianism is the reason why the Titanic sank – as it struck a herbivorous iceberg, in the middle of a free-range ocean.

Then there’s the fact that McDonald’s is American. After Guantanamo Bay, it symbolises America’s spirit more than any other enterprise; and for those who now run Labour – and split their time between unreasonably demonstrating against wars of the less-successful variety, and growing communism in the form of root vegetables – America equals capitalism. And capitalism equals a random assortment of oddments that the Left disdain: like so-called ‘exploitative employment practices’, and such. Well, I say fast-food is the very vanguard of capitalist freedom. Therefore, trying to ensure people are paid fairly is but one small step from the Gulag.

What’s more, a bacon sandwich with an extra large helping of chips, followed by a burger, with a Caramel ice-cream, and a donut, is perfectly healthy. That’s why Health Professionals from the Toby Young Correspondence College Of Homeopathy recommend the supersize diet as a cure for childhood obesity, and diabetes. This is just commonsense.

If the socialists only lifted their eyes to look at the real world around them, instead of mithering about ‘the cost of living’, they might see that for thousands of young people in modern Britain, a zero-hours contracted job at a fast-food outlet is the very summit of their ambitions.

The level of training that new employees receive is second to few. When a major stumbling-block to employment for young people is a lack of communication skills, it is heartening to see them being trained to ask ‘would you like fries with that?’.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that the erection of yellow arches in any neighborhood is an unalloyed blessing. New zero-hours contracts are created; and parents – often worn-out by a long day’s work, with little time to prepare a full family meal – have access to food that their ungodly offspring will actually eat.

To put it another way, without fast-food, these families would starve. The dead would lie unburied in the streets. Piled high – the corpses would block-out the sun; casting darkness over entire communities. The subsequent deficiency of vitamin D would result in chronic rickets spreading like wild fire. Their legs crooked and bowed, people would be unable to sit on chairs and use computers.

Deprived of access to the internet, members of the public will pour out onto the streets. Godwin’s law shall be made flesh. Everyone and everything is compared to Hitler – an epidemic of self-fulfilling prophecies is inevitable. A fourth Reich emerges in Stockport. A fifth Reich in Dudley. Then the deluge of warlike provinces is established globally. World War Three erupts – and a series of nuclear conflagrations promptly destroys civilization as we know it; leaving nought but radiation-ravaged zombies to shamble forth in perpetuity, scavenging on the remnants of humanity.

And all because the Labour party rejected McSponsorship. A meal at McDonald’s doesn’t seem so bad, by comparison, now does it? And what about Vladimir Putin? You don’t see him wringing his hands about corporate sponsorship, do you? That’s because he’s too busy invading the Crimea!

All told, Labour cannot hope to survive the onslaught of post-mortem cannibalism if it displays such narrow-minded prejudice against popular high street corporations; and demands that said companies pay a fair rate of tax.

 

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