The Right-Minded View: Panama Papers & Tax

by richardhutton

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While the more sensible news publications have done their best to avoid any mention of the topic, one could hardly fail to notice the current furore surrounding some papers or another from Panama.

I don’t see what people are complaining about on this score, quite frankly. While some have questioned our PM’s position on the whole world-wide creative accountancy scheme disclosed therein, I say Mr Cameron has made this less a crisis, than an opportunity.

As far as integrity goes, PM Cameron’s own example in life could hardly be faulted: he worked hard and earned his birth into a prosperous family; while his dealings with the international piggy bank are reputed to have been entirely upstanding, and firm throughout. He approached the fabled creature with due rectitude and probity; maintaining a high-rate of interest, by never withdrawing unless it had become necessary.

What’s more, words speak louder than actions in this world – and few could find short-comings with our Prime Minister on that score. There were no less than four statements from 10 Downing Street today:

9:13 am: “I did not have relations with that offshore account”.

10:00am “I may have experimented with offshore accountancy, once or twice; but I didn’t inhale”.

11:27am: “I am not a crook”.

11:28 am: “It was only registered in the cat’s name, because the cat had nowhere else to keep its money safe”.

No doubt the usual sorts will suggest that our government is corrupt, and that far from its hands being bound on this issue, it simply chooses to take a seat upon them, so to speak. But this is untrue. No – the reason Mr Cameron doesn’t ask his friends to pay tax is because he simply has better manners than to do so. That’s why.

If you ask me, however, this is all by the by.

Getting down to glass tacks here, I ask simply this: is it really fair to demand that those of us who have made their own way in life pay tax at all? In fact, is taxation really a necessity in our society? Couldn’t we do without it entirely?

Hospitals are an illustrative example in point. I say we can remove any need for taxation to cover these, simply by suggesting that people who are ill take half a paracetamol, and find a quiet place to lie down; so that the rest of us will not be inconvenienced by them.

Schools and libraries seem to be an unnecessary beneficiary of taxation, as well. My own experience is quite instructive here, in fact – I received little formal education, but have found that skim-reading the more right-thinking papers now and then is a very good way to compensate for any resultant dearth of knowledge. And is it really necessary to have a light-bulb in every school classroom? There’s nothing wrong with a good, old-fashioned candle, if you ask me.

To buttress this, look no further than the virtuous international wealth-creators at point. You would be hard-pressed to find anyone among them who had so much as been within walking distance of a library. They certainly didn’t waste time idling about reading books; and they were far too busy pulling themselves up by the bootstraps to spend fruitless hours ‘studying’ for mickey-mouse qualifications at publicly-subsidised institutes of learning.

‘And what of taxation being necessary for our legislature?’, you ask. Can society function without a publicly-funded police force or a court-system? Now, I’m as firm on the old law and order as the next right-thinking person; but I ask simply this: if we are honest with ourselves, don’t we know exactly what type of sort will go on to lead a life of crime well before they commence? I say that we can do away with any expenditure at all on a legal system, simply by taking anybody called Darren, or ‘Shaz’, and locking them up from day one.

All told, taxation is simply unnecessary in the modern world. Rather than fault Messrs Cameron et al, we should be applauding them for rewarding the world’s many plucky creators of wealth, all while taking fiscal responsibility for reducing expenditure on the superfluous elements in life – such as libraries, schools, colleges, the police, and hospitals. If members of our government have been travelling to the Bahamas every once in a while, to check on the City of London’s finances, then that is merely a testament to their patriotism.

By all accounts, this past week has been another triumph for the only man who can truly be called Britain’s current Prime Minister. When life gives our Prime Minister professional, political, and national embarrassment, he simply makes professional, political, and national embarrassment-ade.

And it simply serves to show how hollow the pretensions of so-called socialists are – as they talk about equality, while demanding that the wealthy pay a higher-rate of tax than the poor.

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