The Right-Minded View: On Brexit.

by richardhutton

The prospect of Britain exiting the European Union has generated a degree of consternation, if not a smidgen of pessimism, lately.

I don’t see what people are concerned about, quite frankly. If there’s one thing the British have in heaping measure, it’s commonsense. Add to this a teaspoon of right-mindedness, a small quantity of gumption – and a kilo or so* of saltpeter – and there you have Brexit ready to commence, without a conceivable hitch in sight.

Unlike the scaremongering put about by the villainous likes of a certain Mr Corbyn – and also our entirely meritorious Prime Minister, who merely cautions what is best for us – withdrawing from the EU will not imperil jobs, business, or even livestock; but will instead be what the scientific community would call ‘SupercalifragilisticBrexpialidocious’.

For one thing, it will restore national sovereignty to its proper place – for example, allowing us to widen pavements nationwide; thereby allowing citizens to walk in comfort, while carrying umbrellas upside down. Far more importantly, however, it will precipitate the restoration of British values. There will be no more of this socialist-inspired nonsense about needing to get up at five o’clock in the morning – as we will once more permit five o’clock to take place only in the evening, as commonsense decrees.

Nor will trade with our international neighbours be inconvenienced – let alone disrupted. Not even for a moment. The firm hands of our Brexiteers will take up the reins on the ship of state; and with their peerless bargaining skills, simply negotiate new trade-treaties with foreign countries such as Iceland, Danepak, or Aldi. Favorable terms await.

Little more seems necessary to add on the subject. The only thing which stands in the way of victory is defeat.


*In more sensible climes, this reference would – of course – be ‘2.204 pounds or so’. But we do not live in sensible climes, thank you very much EUSSR Brussels.