The Right-Minded view on the need to help real refugees, through being firm with economic migrants

by richardhutton

Appearing in the misbegotten pages of an otherwise disreputable publication was a rare dose of sound-minded, right-thinking, commonsense:

“If you want to be a true liberal and persuade your society to accept genuine refugees, you must accept authoritarian measures”

This is quite correct; and I – for one – applaud. No doubt the usual sorts will pipe up, and call the sentiment a ‘contradiction in terms’, or some such; but they would be quite wrong, for one very simple reason.

It is a well known secret, if not an open fact, that people who live in war-zones, under tyrannous regimes, and who are routinely subject to brutality, have a 95% predisposition (with a 5% margin for error) of making a claim for refuge at some point in life; for reasons which defy any easy categorization – and are therefore open to question after question.

We can’t afford to make a single mistake on this, after all. If so much as one person were to make it into Britain on false grounds, and receive a pauper’s income for specious reasons, then the very fabric of Britain’s relationship with European countries would fall apart; faster than you could say ‘referendum’. And it really is frightfully difficult to discern between asylum seekers who are genuine, and those who are – to use the high-brow term employed by the article’s author and many of his peers in the more sensible newspapers – ‘bogus’.

What I propose therefore is that to err on the side of caution, we could perhaps reintroduce the practice of binding peoples’ limbs, and pitching them into the sea, the moment they arrive on Britain’s shores.

If they float, it is a sure sign that they are in possession of self-reliance to such a degree that they must be economic migrants, trying to pull a fast one – and can be promptly deported forthwith. If they were to sink, however; and – to use the overly-emotive language favoured by the left – drown, well, it would prove that their claims for sanctuary had been genuine after all. A satisfactory outcome for all parties.

Such a scheme would restore public trust that our government is both more liberal and more authoritarian than anyone might previously have surmised. It would also serve as an undeniable testament to the British people and their liberal values in the face of this problem: the only way to keep things civilised, and retain our moral superiority to brutal foreign regimes – the ones waging wars which necessity apparently compels us to intervene in – is by using the iron fist of compassion. It is we who are suffering a refugee crisis, after all. By comparison, these migrants have it easy.