The Right-Minded View On Prime Minister’s Question Time

by richardhutton

A sterling performance from Prime Minister David Cameron in Parliament today – the kind which we have all come to expect. With unparalleled valour, Mr Cameron deplored the perverse tendency of his opposite numbers; politely explaining that:

“The only people they never stand up for are the British people and hardworking taxpayers”.

This is quite right, of course; and I, for one, applaud.

When you think about it, who has ever stood up for hard-working British people, such as junior doctors for example, quite like David Cameron? Has there ever been a greater exponent of respect for the fabled taxpayer than our Prime Minister?

To take but one instance: those who pay the Bedroom Tax. Few could question Mr Cameron’s sincere and heartfelt regard for the self-same; or doubt his rigorous stance towards multi-national companies who try to circumvent the payment of tax in Britain. When asked about the so-called ‘sweetheart deal’ his government had provided to an entity of this kind, Mr Cameron courteously clarified that “If people don’t know what ‘creative tax-arrangement’ means, they should Google it”.

We all know whose corner Cameron fights, at all times – that of the great British people; and there is a very simple reason for this: David Cameron is a patriot. His track-record in office makes this incontestable. Nothing is too much for Mr Cameron – be it penning a stiff letter of complaint to local councils on behalf of the public, objecting to the unnecessary and counterproductive cuts to local services ‘by whichever idiot is in charge of the country’; or travelling to Europe, once a month, and ‘demanding the reforms to the EU which Britain’s people want’:

1) Ending the Brussels-imposed laws of physics.
2) European football teams to approach the game in the right spirit; thereby granting British sides a sporting chance.
3) All crime to be made illegal.
4) European letter-boxes to be widened, so that British envelopes can be posted sideways.

It doesn’t stop there, either. When it comes to respecting the sacrifice made by previous generations of Britain’s lower orders, that is when you find Cameron at his best. During the competitive bowing ceremony on Armistice Day last year, the Prime Minister proved head and shoulders above the competition: from the starting position, through the approach, to the final curtsy itself, his performance was unimpeachable – his comb-over without fault. Not a follicle was misplaced, despite a wind-factor of +1. Put succinctly, our Prime Minister was scrupulosity epitomised; with decorum coming out of every orifice.

In my opinion, mere praise of David Cameron’s patriotism is insufficient. It really is high-time that the Cenotaph was opened-up to the free-market of competition, by placing a fitting monument to our Prime Minister and his government beside it: a diorama cast in bronze, depicting Douglas Haig and the British Prime Minister, side-by-side, hows-your-fathering a bacon sandwich.