Some Right-Thinking Thoughts On The Case For Air-Strikes Against Isis

by richardhutton

An excellent speech from Cameron in Parliament about this whole Syria jape, yesterday. A thorough analysis of the issues; and a clear command of the English language throughout.

This is unarguably Britain’s darkest hour – as we face a threat like no other in history: a group of men, with weapons; using the internet to promote anti-Western messages. Such as the belief that our political system is decadent and corrupt.

However, cometh the proverbial – cometh the self-same. Vigorous, glossy, and unbending – with statesmanship emanating from every orifice – Cameron was without peer. Surrounded by perilous situations, left and right – from the conundrum of which tie he should wear to work; to which set of people he should make homeless this winter – he seldom emits anything but the utmost sangfroid.

Never hesitating for a moment, our Prime Minister promptly arranged a high-level meeting, ensuring that biscuits and cake were available to all present. Once afternoon tea had been taken, Cameron stood at his habitual podium, and stated, boldly:

“There are times – certain circumstances, if you will – when necessity compels the decent among us to step forward as one. We have a responsibility – nay, duty – to act without considering the consequences. Only cowards think things through. Thinking is weakness – especially in the face of danger. The enemies of freedom are as indefatigable as they are unprincipled – but so are we. They didn’t learn to adopt our peaceful ways the first time we bombed them; perhaps the second time will teach them that violence doesn’t solve problems”.

Taking another biscuit from the tray, he continued:

“Evil triumphs when good men do nothing. Much the same transpires when bad men do nothing. We must do something. Doing something is doing something. Therefore to defeat terrorism, we must do something. Only good can come of this”.

Applause naturally followed; and all right-thinking people will surely agree that what Mr Cameron lacks in substance, he more than makes up for in style. The subject of hair is a delicate matter between chaps of a certain age – and arguably even the more so among chapesses. Nonetheless, when matters of national importance are at stake, sometimes it calls for facts to be spoken plainly.

Even in the most testing circumstances, Mr Cameron’s comb-over is simply immaculate at all times. There is never a follicle misplaced. Would it be a touch flattering to suggest that the Prime Minister’s comb-over is a fitting symbol of the man – if not for his government’s entire period in office? If anything, it would be a considerable understatement.

To this end, it really is high-time to open the Cenotaph up to the free-market of competition, by placing a fitting monument to our Prime Minister and his government beside it. We should appropriate a number of voluntary Workfare conscripts, to build a statue honouring our country’s truest patriots – creating a diorama cast in bronze, depicting Douglas Haig and the British Prime Minister, side-by-side, hows-your-fathering a bacon sandwich.

Never in the field of armchair conflict have so many owed so little to so few.