Some Right-Thinking Thoughts On The Prime Minister’s Conference Speech

by richardhutton

The plaudits for Britain’s Prime Minister are quite correct, of course – Cameron’s speech today was without equal. It was a bold vision for a Britain, gilt in his personal image.

While I have very little interest in politics as a rule, I could not fail to be stirred by Cameron’s bold intentions to “to stand up to the powerless – to speak up for injustice, and inequality”. What’s more, Cameron’s choice of tie was superb. His comb-over never looked less ruffled.

Who could be left cold by PM Cameron’s economic vision for the Northern Powerhouse? Invention and fabrication are among the few growth industries in Britain – and Cameron is right to set a sterling example on this, and invest significant time and resources in inventing and fabricating things.

Poverty should indeed undergo an all out assault, by launching airstrikes at carefully selected symbols of poverty – such as foodbanks, and homeless shelters; while bringing sanctions aplenty against their clientele. Those who are set to be liberated from the burden of financial support, and freed from the indignity of not having to depend upon foodbanks to feed their families, can simply follow Mr Cameron’s sterling example in life – and top up their savings with trust funds, stock options, donations from the City; or – in a pinch – simply inherit their way into wealth.

Furthermore, Cameron is quite right to help people break the cycle of dependency upon benefits, by leaving them penniless. If we simply redefine poverty, until it no longer includes anybody at all, then the government will go down as a historical first. Nothing could be more egalitarian than his belief that poverty and neglect should apply to the whole of the UK – not just isolated regions. For if you make everyone poor then nobody will ever notice. “If you’re working and still struggling, the problem is that you’re just not poor enough. Let us help you with that”, he might explain.

Nothing could represent a bolder bid for the moral high-ground than calling people Britain-hating; while deploring abuse and violence from their opponents. Those who would gladly drop nuclear bombs on foreign countries know that there need to be sensible limits – somebody throwing eggs at one of their betters is simply not on.

In fact, isn’t it fair to say that Cameron has even more to offer the Labour Party, as Leader of the Conservatives, than somebody who was actually elected to lead it? After all, he has something to offer every branch of Labour – for the socialist wing (who should be grateful for what they’re given), he merely wants to end the BBC licence fee, rather than have its purveyors locked up. What’s more, he is utterly devoid of anything even remotely resembling a principle; which should suit the Blairites to a T. He is also capable of appealing to swing-voters, through being courageous enough to state plainly that those of us who are doing so very nicely for ourselves at the moment should not give a gliding possum about anyone else.

All told, Cameron’s mastery of the media knows no bounds. He alone is consistently brave enough to stand up for what is popular, and avow “we are right, so how can we be wrong” at every opportune moment. Journalists across the land are entirely justified in their bulbous salutations of our Prime Minister. As George Orwell might have written, in his first draft of Animal Farm:

“The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig – they were somewhat curious as to what Mr Cameron was doing to one of the pigs; but thought it best not to enquire”.

An unadulterated triumph. Cameron is inimitable.