Electoral Diary Of Reginald Horace – 10th April

by richardhutton

Despite being a champion of family values and moral probity, I am not a man of faith – but my wife is. Thankfully she eschews the earnest variety; and prefers instead to ‘make an appearance’ once in a while, so to speak – particularly when one of the more influential personages is reported to be visiting the local church.

Today was one of those rare days when our interests coincided – and rarer still, her hat for the occasion was prepossessing – as I had put a notice about my need for electoral support in the church newsletter. To my horror – and unmitigated embarrassment – a typing error had crept into the message. I will say no more – readers can draw their own conclusions about what this might have been. Several parishioners appeared to have done this of their own accord as it was – and drawn wholly the wrong surmise. I spent the remainder of the assembly avoiding their gazes by leafing through the the book of Job. In my opinion, the Bible tells us very little about life in modern Britain – which is precisely what makes it a good book.

A new vicar since our last visit. Initially, I thought this was for the best – while Reverend Giles was a commendable fellow in some respects, he did have a disagreeable way with some of the female parishioners. I had not anticipated what was to come, however. The sermon today was little more than a working exercise in communism. Why should I sell what I own, and give my money to the poor? I didn’t ask for handouts. I made my own way in life, on my own terms; I didn’t need anyone’s help. If anything, I set the proper Christian example. It can hardly be denied that Jesus did tremendously well for himself in life, after all is said and done – despite coming from the humblest of backgrounds; and having to endure a certain amount of tribulation (at this very time of the year as well, as coincidence would have it).

Character-building stuff – an example to us all. And when was Jesus heard to mention capital gains – or environmentalism? Not once – because he believed in the value of self-sufficiency. He always did the right thing; and made his own way in life. He was a touch more accommodating to the tax authorities than I would care to be, admittedly; but we are none of us perfect – and he knew only too well that the silent majority always carries the day. I would not wish to make the obvious comparison, of course; but if others should draw that inference, and vote accordingly, it would be churlish to object.

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