Why I’m Voting Ukip

by richardhutton

By Reginald Horace (Ukip Brigadier; Humberside Branch*)

There are many reasons why I will be voting for Ukip in the upcoming general election. The primary one among them can be summed-up in one word, and one word only: Nigel Farage. This self-made man is an inspiration to us all. He didn’t need a degree in order to become the leader of Britain’s 6th most successful party. He didn’t need any qualifications or expertise at all. Class is everything; and Farage has it by the barrowful. He didn’t get to where he is in life by complaining. How often do you hear Farage bemoan poverty and inequality; or even mention their existence? Never – because he simply has better manners than to do so.

However, cynicism is the curse of our age; and nowhere is that more evident than in reactions to Farage. Rather than give ground to normal people, who have a penchant for enterprise, the partisan media establishment chooses to focus on trifling issues of no relevance instead. What are expenses-irregularities, anyway, we may well ask? Merely the sort of pettifogging detail that only the most extreme of socialists would latch-on to. Besides which, any such undertakings on his part will have been purely in the interests of the nation as a whole. As my father would say “the only thing you can do easily in life is be wrong – and that’s hardly worth the effort”, well, Nigel Farage thinks otherwise. He makes the effort.

Not a moment too late, either, it needs to be said. England is no longer the country I grew up in. Admittedly, I spent the majority of my formative years in the Costa Blanca; where – foreshadowing the EU in many ways – the truculent locals would deliberately avoid speaking English, despite being perfectly capable of it, I am sure; and instead, disagreeably insisted on speaking foreign, much to the chagrin of well-meaning British expatriates. But this is beside the point.

Britain has changed beyond recognition. No doubt many people will say for the better – but they merely lack sufficient patriotism. A person can no longer ask for a pint in their local watering hole – instead, they must request 0.56th of a litre. We are no longer allowed to hold nativity plays without at least one member of the cast being female -not that one wishes to encourage alternative lifestyles, as such. What’s more, it is simply impossible to say ‘Christmas’ in polite company, these days. All because the Europeans are unwilling to admit that Jesus was British. Our country is now a bewildering place.

To illustrate the point – only the other day I was walking through the city centre with my lady wife. As we were passing through, we encountered a small crowd of people – university types, shall we say. Not one of them wearing a suit. Free to spend all day engaged in dubious jollifications and scandalous hilarities; such as might make the hair of honest British tax-payers stand upright, with well-merited indignation. No wonder they weren’t worried about the state of society; leaving it instead to the silent majority, to shoulder this unfair burden without complaint.

To my horror – despite my attempts at evasion – one of them accosted me, and made a request which simply beggared belief. I am not as young as I once was, but I could work out on my own what the term ‘selfie-stick’ referred to; and I had no intention of holding somebody’s for them. Certainly not in public. I didn’t like to make a fuss, naturally; but we all know that one thing leads to another. ‘This is not Hampstead Heath,’ I replied; ‘I will do no such thing’. Regrettably, my wife differed on this point; and the resulting scene led to quite a scandal in the society pages of the local paper. The headlines were largely inaccurate, I would add. Nonetheless, the whole incident demonstrates everything that is wrong with this country. It is certainly not what I pay my taxes for. If it is not against the law, then it should at least be considered unBritish.

It demonstrates why the once proud country of Great Britain has been virtually a communist state since 1979. This absence of moral fibre in the young is the whole problem – Europe and leftists (along with a few other things) not withstanding. In no sense a scientific sample, but my own upbringing surely serves as an unerring bellwether for right-thinking folk everywhere. For example, there was none of this so-called ‘incapacity’ in my day – “take two aspirin and pull yourself together” my doctor cautioned sternly, after my second dose of gout. The recent hormone-treatment is less fondly recollected, if I may say so, however. Unfortunately, this kind of inefficiency is all you can expect from the ‘public sector’, with its limitless tax-truss.

There is but one antidote to all of this: Ukip. Only Ukip offers commonsense solutions to problems, whether they exist or not. Let the public decide what is or isn’t true, based on gut instinct. People should not trust facts. They should trust Ukip. For example, most Britons do not know about Europe, and do not want to know – it is high-time the media had the basic courtesy not to annoy them with particulars. This is why we have elected officials, after all – so that democracy may be decided for us appropriately.

What’s more, many have begun to argue that Britain, as one of the most densely populated countries in the world, has no need of further density. To them I say ‘This is where Farage comes in’. Circumstances may change – but this man’s beliefs never will. No matter what he may be given to pledge from one week to the next, this man’s unspoken convictions will never alter. Only Farage has the integrity – the courage – to say one thing, then say the opposite, the moment something proves unpopular. Professor (though he would never dream of such immodesty as to use the title) Farage is the only politician who tells it like it is: the truth, straight from the gullet, unfiltered by rational thought. A trouser-hoister of the first order; putting true hair-on-the-chest policies into action.

It is why I intend to vote Ukip; and why everyone who doesn’t vote can be assumed to agree with Nigel.

Vote Ukip – before the unmentionables outnumber the decent among us.

*Cayman Islands, for purposes of tax and patriotism.