Doggerel: ‘I Wandered Lowly As A Sow’.

by richardhutton

From Strange Free World:

I wandered lowly as a sow
That trollops over hill and dale;
I snuffled truffles with my snout,
And sat upon my curly tail.
I made a couch upon a crowd –
A bunch of golden daffodils;
To my surprise – perhaps less now –
My host all did then trill.
‘Bloody oaf!’ they gushed aloud,
‘Bugger off’ they groaned;
‘What the devil?’ I replied:
‘Such impertinence’ they moaned.
‘By God – indeed – egad’ I sighed,
‘How can this be allowed?’
‘Thou art no dainty trifle, lad’
Mused a passing cloud.
‘It’s not my fault I am not svelte –
We’re all unlike’ I huffed;
‘We’re not’ the daffodils cried out,
‘Now shift thine arse!’ they puffed.
‘Hush thy noise thou pesky buds,
I’ll give thee each a clout’:
I was sincere, and said it calm –
I very rarely shout.
(Cried they)
‘We’ll prick our pistils in thy loins,
Thou brute – thou husky lout!
Thy hide, thy rump, thy pudgy groin
Have crushed us all about!’
(Cried I)
‘Husky? Pudgy? How dare you!
Why, such a bleeding cheek!’
‘Try twofold in your face’ they crowed,
In their unearthly speech.
Now oft, as I do roll in swill,
In pensive-vacant mood,
I feel a pang of pride and guilt
As no doubt I well should.
My temperament is lacking gilt,
Though I wish that it would:
You see I trampled all of them
To show them that I could.