Turning points: re-assessing your options when they’re all that you have.

by richardhutton

New ambitions

Searching for employment is one thing; knowing exactly what to look for is another. This means having to consider a career. But what, and why, precisely? Well, let the following inspire you:

 You have an irrational hatred of children?
– Become a teacher – it only takes six months now to qualify for a role that has erudition as its cornerstone.
Perhaps you have an irrational hatred of teenagers?
– Become a police officer; or a fire officer if you’re planning to develop one in the future.
You have a semi-rational hatred of the general public?
– Bar-tending, waiting, office work, sales assistance – all of these provide excellent opportunities to exercise personal vindictiveness.

There are several misfires that can take place here, however. For instance: you may love books, but this does not make employment in a bookshop advisable. People who read books can dishearten those who enjoy them. Consider the following:

Q. Can you recommend something?
A. Well, personally I really like Chekov’s short stories; or there’s a great book on Islam’s inspiration of the Renaissance. You know, not a lot of people in the west know about that.
Q. Eh? I was looking for something more in the vein of The World According to Clarkson.
A. Oh; well, we have a copy of The God Delusion somewhere, I believe.

Perhaps you like children? Becoming a play-worker seems ideal – but ambitious parents can prove the contrary:

‘How’s Louise been today?’
– Oh, fine. She was making sandcastles with some of the other children this morning.
‘Oh, yes. I know. She loves playing in sand. She’s shown signs of genius in fact. She already knows how to use a funnel’.
(Don’t ask ‘For what?’ – some journeys of the mind are best avoided).

Perhaps – like most men – you’re obsessed with sex; or – like most women – you’re secretly obsessed with it. This is all well and good; but if you take employment in an ‘adult shop’, you’ll never be able to feign an interest in the subject again as long as you live. If you don’t know what scatology is, the revelation is unlikely to grant you an epiphany of delight.

In fact, little else in life is as dispiriting as having a job doing something you enjoy and care about.